Here's a couple of Irish Stories to help get you in the right mood for Saint Patrick's Day tomorrow....
The Day Off
Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy 'Im gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!'
He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down and shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!'
Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home.'
So Paddy leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman.
'I cant work in the friggin dark! ' says Murphy.
Paddy Irish man, English man and Scotsman were travelling in the Australian outback when their campervan broke down. They had to leave the van to go look for help.
They were only able to take one thing from the van each, so the Englishman took water to keep him hydrated. The Scotsman took food to give him engery and Paddy Irishman takes the door.
The English man asks Paddy, "Why did you take the door?"
Paddy Irishman replys, "Cause if I get too hot, I can roll down the window."
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were reading a newspaper article about which nationalities' brains were for sale for transplant purposes. An Irishman's or a Scotsman's brain could be bought for £500 but an Englishman's brain cost £10,000.
"That proves," said The Englishman, "that Englishmen are much cleverer than Irishmen or Scotsmen."
"No it doesn't," said The Irishman, "it just means that an Englishman's brain has never been used."
Texan visits Galway
A Texan walks into a pub in Galway, Ireland and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He shouts, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back."
The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer.
Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks Paddy.
The Texan answers, "Yes," and he orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness.
Immediately, Paddy downs all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back to back. The other pub patrons cheer and the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
Paddy Murphy replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."
Sure and now I'd like you to listen to a song that my dear 'ole Mom used to sing for me when I was just a wee bit of a lad:
Reilly is walking through a graveyard when he comes across a headstone with the inscription "Here lies a politician and an honest man."
'Faith now,' exclaims Reilly, 'I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave.'
Live Long and Prosper...