Saturday, June 24, 2017

The Great “Seat Up or Down” Debate

Before I start, let me acknowledge that today’s Blog is going to land me in hot water with a lot of my “lady friends”. I know this in advance, but I have a question that should be asked -from a man’s perspective. So, I'll take a deep breath and here we go---

My immediate family growing up consisted of my Mother, my Father and myself. 2 men, a woman and a single bathroom. Surprisingly, that arrangement lead to very few problems or conflicts. There was, however, one item that came up on a regular basis. Leaving the toilet seat down.

My mother educated me from an early age to believe that a gentleman always remembered to leave the toilet seat in the "down position" for the ladies. It was a rule carved in stone around our home and violations always brought swift and terrible consequences -especially if Mom was sure which of us men (my father or me) was the scoundrel that left the seat 'up'.

Well, the day came, when I was about 14, that I questioned this rule. One day, after forgetting and being caught leaving the seat up, I asked my mother a simple, logical question -one which haunted me the rest of my life.

The conversation went something like this:

     Me: “Mom, leaving that toilet seat 'down' is just good manners and common courtesy?”

     Mom: “Yes, that’s right. It shows that you are a gentleman with a good upbringing who has respect for women.”

     Me: “Well, if that’s the case, why is it women never have the same good manners and common courtesy and leave the seat 'up' for the men?”

That simple question got me grounded for a week for being a smart-ass. It also removed any chance of a homemade pie or dessert for Dad or I either one for over a week (It should be noted that my Father vocally supported my Mother on this issue, but quietly gave me a pat of the back).

My mother’s memory, being typical of most mothers who seem to be able to recall your slightest indiscretion or embarrassing moments for eternity, allowed her to periodically torture me with that question for the rest of her life. She looked upon it as a sign of open rebellion and disrespect.

To my great disappointment, no one has ever answered that question acceptably for me. At this point, I suppose I will go to my grave without knowing the answer and will continue to leave the seat down. It has become so second nature to me that I even catch myself doing it in the men’s rooms of public facilities.

Well, I guess my Grandfather was right when he told me “Life is not fair -and you should be grateful it isn’t. If it were, it would mean you actually deserve all the crap that is going to happen to you in life.” 

Y’all have a blessed day now, hear!

Live Long and Prosper...

Friday, June 23, 2017

A Lesson in Fishing

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. "You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman. "You should be working rather than lying on the beach!"

The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?" "Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer. "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's
questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said.

"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman. The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!"

Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?" The businessman was red with
rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach,
looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!"

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?"

Today's Reflection:
The American in me says you have a right to be such a bigot. The humanitarian in me says to reach in, tie your vocal cords in a knot, and save people from having to listen to you.

Live long and Prosper...