A couple, age 67, went to the doctors office. The doctor asked them, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $120.00 for an Office Visit.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex and leave after paying the doctor. Finally the doctor asked, "just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $160.00. The Hilton charges $176.00. We do it here for $120.00 and I get back 80% from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's office."
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.
This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
After marrying a young filly, a ninety-year-old geezer told his doctor that they were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," said the doctor. "An absent-minded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he picked up an umbrella. Suddenly a bear charged him. Pointing his umbrella at the bear, he shot and killed it on the spot."
"Impossible!" the geezer exclaimed, "Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"Exactly," replied the doctor.
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Live Long and Prosper...