After two third-graders wet their pants on May 15 at Mill Plain Elementary School in Vancouver, Wash., they blamed teachers for too-strictly enforcing their classroom's "rewards" system, in which good behavior earns students points redeemable for, among other prizes, restroom breaks. A teachers union investigation concluded that the girls were never "denied" toilet access (but the girls' mothers pointed out that using restroom breaks as a "reward" might be confusing to 8-year-olds).
The Japanese snack company Calbee recently staged a promotion around popular singer Nana Mizuki, giving away 10 backstage passes to her Aug. 3 concert in Yokohama to the purchasers of 10 lucky bags of secretly marked potato chips. Her perhaps-hugest fan, Kazuki Fukumoto, 25, was so determined to win one that by the time he was arrested for littering in May, he had bought and dumped 89 cartons of potato chip packages, weighing over 400 pounds, that were found at six locations around the cities of Kobe and Akashi. Police estimate he had spent the equivalent of about $3,000.
Britain's news website Metro.co.uk, combing Facebook pages, located a full photo array from prominent 23-year-old German body art enthusiast Joel Miggler, whose various piercings and implants are impressive enough, but whose centerpieces are the portholes in each cheek that expose the insides of his mouth. (With customized plugs, he can seal the portholes when soup is on the menu.) The holes are currently 36mm wide, but he was said to be actively cheek-stretching, aiming for 40mm. Miggler assures fans that his mother likes "most" of his modifications and that the worst aspect so far is merely that he is forced to take smaller bites when eating.
Kayla Oxenham, 23, was arrested in Port Charlotte, Florida, in June and charged with using a stick to burn "brands" into the skin of her two children, ages 5 and 7. Among her explanations to police: so she could identify them as being hers and because she "forgot how much she loved fire."
A 60-year-old man with a blood clot has recovered, but no thanks to the driver for the South Western Ambulance Service who was ferrying him on a long trip to the emergency room of Derriford Hospital in Plymouth, England, on April 6. The patient's family later reported that the driver had stopped en route to pick up two hitchhikers -- one a young woman in a "skimpy skirt". The patient, in pain with his toes starting to blacken, eventually had his blood flow restored and did not lose the leg. He reported that the two riders were friendly and wanted to chat about his condition (though he was in no mood).
When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
Live Long and Prosper...