Sunday, August 10, 2014

Barbie Dolls I'd Like to See

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of
blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors
(half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton
and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of
perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with
hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone
levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with
teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps
with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on
the tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support
panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in
stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's
dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone
and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky
crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin
Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a
cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off
her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken,
Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and
cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch
Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal
trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac.
They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for
the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real
tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes
with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have
finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she
does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober,
she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little
copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11.. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets
her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts
things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on
the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels.
Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the
book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

Today's Reflection:
How do "Don't Walk on the Grass" signs get there?

Live Long and Prosper...

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