Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Sailor Humor...

Time for a few nautical laughs...

The three stages of the aging sailor:

  • Impotence and loss of interest in the other sex.
  • Drooling while sleeping.
  • Pride of ownership in a powerboat.

The perfect boat:
Drinks six
Eats four
Sleeps two

Bay Breeze

There once was a young man named Jay,
Who thought he'd try sailing the Bay.
The wind, it did blow, for just half a day.
So young Jay is still out there today.

A mate's lament

It's not my job to drive the boat, the horn I cannot blow.
It's not my job to say how far the yacht's allowed to go.
It's not my job to throttle down, nor even clang the bell -
But let the damn thing hit the dock and see who catches hell!

Jet Ski

What is the difference between a jet ski and a vacuum sweeper?
The location of the dirt bag.

What's the difference between a jet skier and a bucket of @#%* ?
The bucket. 

The Pirate Way 

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the sailor asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" 

The pirate replies "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me out, a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg off". 

"Blimey!" said the sailor. "What about the hook"? 

"Ahhhh...", mused the pirate, "We were boardin' a trader ship, pistols blastin' and swords swingin' this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off." 

"Zounds!" remarked the sailor. "And how came ye by the eye patch"? 

"A seagull droppin' fell into me eye", answered the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. 

"Well..." said the pirate, "..it was me first day with the hook."


Today's Reflection:
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.

Live Long and Prosper...

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