Gary's Cleaning Tips

Here are a few tips regarding house cleaning that I've found useful over the years and thought I'd share them with you:

Dirt: 
Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.

Cobwebs:
Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the
glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If someone points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim "What? And spoil the mood?"

Pet Hair:
Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the
doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand sewn play animals for underprivileged children.

Guests:
If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly
into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

Dusting:
If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy
urn on the coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

Painting:
Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty
wall with an assortment of crayons and try to muster a glint of tears as you say "Jr did this the week before that unspeakable accident and I haven't had the heart to clean it."

General Cleaning:
Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner
with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the couch and sigh "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere."

Ironing:
Stack of laundry: become a constitutionalist! Everyone
knows how hard we fought for the "freedom of the press".

Today's Reflection:

Remember, belief, all by itself, is a very powerful force.

-Gator McNeal in French Quarter Vendetta

 Live Long and Prosper...