* The crawdad mounds in your front yard have overtaken the grass.
* You greet people with "Howzyamomma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"
* Every so often, you have waterfront property.
* When giving directions you use words like "uptown", "downtown", "backatown", "riverside", "lakeside", "other side of the bayou" or "other side of the levee.
* When you refer to a geographical location "way up North", you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, "where it gets real cold"!
* Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under.
* You've ever had Community Coffee.
* You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it. (also, Thibideaux, Opelousas, Ponchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya,)
* You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house.
* You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used.
* The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy "dressed" is healthier than a Caesar salad.
* You know the definition of "dressed".
* You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and wash it down with Barq's and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.
* The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab and King Cake.
* The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than HBO.
* You "wrench" your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
* You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax you something".
* You go by "ya-mom-en-`dems" on Good Friday for family supper.
* You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
* You don't realize until high school what a "county" is.
* You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras beads.
* You believe that purple, green and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors)
* You go to buy a new winter coat (what most people refer to as windbreakers) and throw your arms up in the air to make sure it allows enough room to catch Mardi Gras beads.
* Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
* You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs.
* You describe a color as "K&B Purple".
* You like your rice and politics dirty.
* You worry about a deceased family member returning in spring floods.
* You pronounce the largest city in the state as "Nawlins".
* You know those big roaches can fly, but you're able to sleep at night anyway.
* You prefer skiing on the bayou.
* You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard.
* You realize the rainforest is less humid than Louisiana.
Congratulations! You've finally made my shit list!
Live Long and Prosper...