Friday, August 26, 2016

Helpful Cleaning Hints

Here are a few little tips from your Uncle Gary to help you get through those cleaning chores:

Dirt: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.

Cobwebs: Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband or wife point out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim "What? And spoil the mood?"

Pet Hair: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand sewn play animals for underprivileged children.

Guests: If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the
shots are SO expensive."

Dusting: If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

Painting: Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons and try to muster a glint of tears as you say "Jr did this the week before that unspeakable accident and I haven't had the heart to clean it."

General Cleaning: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the couch and sigh "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere."

Ironing: Stack of laundry: become a constitutionalist! Everyone knows how hard we fought for the "freedom of the press".

Today's Reflection: 
Q: What do you get if you cross a alligator with a flower?
A: I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it!

Live Long and Prosper....

No comments: