Stupidity in Court

Q. Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q. So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A. Yes.
Q. And what were you doing at that time?

Q. She had three children, right?
A. Yes.
Q. How many were boys?
A. None.
Q. Were there any girls?

Q. You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A. Yes.
Q. And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q. How was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death.
Q. And by whose death was it terminated?

Q. Can you describe the individual?
A. He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q. Was this a male, or a female?

Q. Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A. No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A. All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q. All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A. Oral.

Q. Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A. The autopsy started around 830 p.m.

Q. And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A. No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an autopsy.

Q. Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q. Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A. No.

Q. Did you check for blood pressure?
A. No.

Q. Did you check for breathing?
A. No.

Q. So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A. No.

Q. How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A. Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q. But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A. Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. 

Today's Reflection:
Sarcasm is my bodies natural defense against your stupidity.

Live Long and Prosper...