Friday, June 16, 2017

To Shave, or Not To Shave…

If I’m going to discuss ‘shaving’ today, it’s probably best if I start by admitting, right up front, that what follows is based exclusively on my own opinion, experience and tastes. This is not a chapter of “The Gospel According to Gary” (due out in Kindle format in 2030).

I am also speaking from the male perspective. I know almost nothing about the intricacies and tribulations of feminine shaving. My only experience along those lines is based on a very short-lived relationship many years ago. The young lady in question had a multitude of shaving devices, some of which looked like they had been invented in the Tower of London. In spite of being well equipped with her own tools, she preferred to steal my Gillette Mach 3 Power Razor. She would draw a nice hot bubble bath, insert a brand-new blade and have at it. Afterward, she would leave the razor in the bottom of the tub, usually covered by a used washcloth collecting soap scum. I don’t know what/where she was shaving, but I do know that, as expensive as those blades are, I didn’t mind because they would last me for a week or more of normal use. Except when she used them. After she used a fresh blade, it was so dull that the penalty for trying to use it a second time was razor burn, small cuts and a shave that needed to be repeated within hours. As I said, it was a very short-lived relationship.

Now for the real theme of today’s missive. What is with this “4-day old shadow” look that so many of the celebrity men are donning these days? It’s awful! It makes the person look as if they are in desperate need of a shower, are grubby and lazy. I’m guessing that they do that to give them a kind of “bad boy” look. Well, I have news for you. It only gets you halfway there -“bad”. When I see a guy with this “look”, I find myself wanting to ask him why? I mean, make up your mind for Pete sake. Either grow that beard or shave it off. Stopping looking as though you can’t make up your mind! 

See? Thanks, now go shave

Let’s face it guys, shaving is a chore. Clean-shaven is a look I chose for myself years ago. It went well with the whole Navy, Police Department, management thing. 

You’d think that after all these years, the hair on my face would have gotten the message and gone away. But no. I wake up every morning with a fresh stubble begging to be mowed. These days, I have traded my Gillette Mach 3 for a Remington Electric. It’s not the super close shave I prefer, but it’s perfectly acceptable and far more convenient. And, between you and me, I’m just a little too old to be out on ‘the hunt’ anymore so super smooth isn’t really necessary.

Last year when I was in the hospital and rehab for 6 weeks doing the triple bypass and new heart valve thing, I decided to let my beard grow in. I would keep it trimmed, but I’d never have to shave again!

That fantasy ended when I got home and looked in the mirror. The hair on my upper lip and cheeks was my normal dark sandy blond. The hair on my chin, however, had mutinied and was a very bright white (I mean the keep you awake at night bright). As for the hair under my chin and on my neck, it was grey with streaks of sandy blond and white tracing randomly through it. In short, my face looked like a bad quilt designed by Picasso. The beard was instantly banished and ordered not to return.

I guess the moral of my rambling today is just this: If you’re going to shave. Shave. Don’t walk around showing off your indecisiveness and laziness to the world.

Y’all have a blessed day now, hear?

I know  you're tempted, but don't say it

Live Long and Prosper...

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