Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Helpful Cleaning Hints

Dirt: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.

Cobwebs: Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband or wife point out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim "What? And spoil the mood?"

Pet Hair: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand sewn play animals for underprivileged children.

Guests: If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the
shots are SO expensive."

Dusting: If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

Painting: Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons and try to muster a glint of tears as you say "Jr did this the week before that unspeakable accident and I haven't had the heart to clean it."

General Cleaning: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the couch and sigh "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere."

Ironing: Stack of laundry: become a constitutionalist! Everyone knows how hard we fought for the "freedom of the press".

Today's Reflection: 
Q: What do you get if you cross a alligator with a flower?
A: I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it!

My new murder mystery French Quarter Vendetta is being released Labor Day Weekend in both downloadable Ebook and Print formats!
As part of the new release promotion you can download my espionage novel, Operation: Avenging Dragon for FREE
Labor Day Weekend!
Live Long and Prosper....

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