"Why, Sister Mary Ignacius! What are you, an upstanding young woman of the Lord, doing in my shop, a den of the demon rum?"
The young nun looks at him sincerely and says, "Seamus, sir, I would like to buy a bottle of bourbon."
Seamus is aghast, "No, Sister! I cannot in good conscience sell you a bottle of bourbon, for it goes against the very fiber of your life's calling!"
"You see, Mr. Flannery, it's for the Mother Superior."
At this, Seamus becomes livid, "Oh, for the Mother Superior, is it? And what use does she have for this stuff which rots society? And you better understand that anything you tell me I will readily recount to the Monsignor!"
Sister Mary Ignacius looks around, lowers her voice and leans in to say, "No, Seamus. It's for her constipation."
Seamus immediately abases himself, "Oh! I am so sorry, Sister, to ever doubt the strength of your faith. Here, take this fifth of bourbon for the Mother Superior with my compliments."
So Sister Mary Ignacius thanks Seamus graciously, tucks the brown paper bag into her habit, and discreetly leaves the store.
Later, at closing time, Seamus gets his hat and coat, flips the sign to "CLOSED" and locks up. On his way home he passes the convent, where there is quite a crowd gathered at the gate. Naturally curious, he makes his way to the front of the crowd to see what's the spectacle and his eyes land on Sister Mary Ignacius, naked but for her veil, dancing about the courtyard singing off-color limericks and drinking songs.
"SISTER!" Seamus yells, "What are you doing?! You told me the bourbon was for the Mother Superior's constipation!"
"Oh it is, Seamus," she slurred, "When she sees me, she's going to shit!"
Honesty is the best policy.
--But insanity is the best defense...
Live Long and Prosper...