Saturday, August 20, 2016

A Few Smiles for You Today

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a store opened next door with a huge sign that said, "BEST DEALS!” 
To make things worse, another store opened on the other side with a huge sign reading “LOWEST PRICES!” 
He nearly panicked until he had the idea to put up his own sign, bigger that the other two, that read, “MAIN ENTRANCE.”

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: "Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?" "Of course my child, What can I do for you?" 

"Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?" 
"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not lie." 
"You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions", and she gave him the 'hair remover'.
The aircraft arrived at its destination. 
When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" 
"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son",he replied. 
Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the sash down, what do you have?" 
The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument designed for use by women, but which has never been used." 
Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father. Next!"

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. 

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" 
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much." 
The driver replied, "Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

Today's Reflection:
I had amnesia once ...maybe twice...

Live Long and Prosper...

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