Thursday, August 18, 2016

Tips to make life easier

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna.
I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to
lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers
turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked

No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and
remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them.
The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom
carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a
contrasting polish should be selected).

If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey.
The following morning you can create the effects of
hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid
and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

Today's Reflection:
How is it possible to have a civil war?

Live Long and Prosper...

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